23 February 2017

Day 1

It's day one in the city and it's strange to be back. Turns out New York is louder than Utah, and I'm sleepier here than ever before. I vacillate between peace and excitement and fear and doubt. Unemployment is both a joy and a nightmare. I can do whatever I want all day long! But what I actually do is worry and worry and apply to jobs and write emails and edit resumes and also did I mention worry. Excited to become something more than I am now. Scared that I'm feeding into a culture and society that needs to be overturned (Thanks, Jessa!). It's familiar and foreign all at once. I'm worried about what to wear. But excited all the same! Sitting between committed and uncommitted is an odd place to be, but we're gonna give it a go and be so amazingly grateful for two beautiful grandparents who will let me sleep in their living room until I find my feet. I suppose this is what living life is; pulling yourself together, excited and scared, excited and scared, excited and scared, and so on and so forth.

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